Estrogen Blue, not Pink

Happy International Women's Day...

I think.

I'm not the only woman in the U.S.A. who has been bombarded for the last many months with revelation after anxiety-producing revelation about a number of politicians and political hopefuls who don't think that I or anyone of my gender should have the most basic of reproductive rights; and this, indeed, is only a surface layer of things under which there is a still deeper layer of ugly:

We continue to be emotionally baited and bandied about regarding our sexuality.

The battle against women based upon our sexual desires or lack thereof is not one you can win: you are either a slut, or a prude, in this. What you are not is a being who is being judged by any aspect of your person that does not relate positively or negatively to one of two subjects: sex, and motherhood. You as a person separate from these motherhood, and sex as a producer of motherhood is being nullified.

I can't speak to the broader question of how that makes "people" feel, I can only speak as to how it makes me feel: it makes me feel marginalized. I am struggling for deeper, more meaningful ways to express my concern over the fact that its become increasingly "reasonable" to hold views that would set women's progress and liberation in the U.S.A. back 40 or 50 years. Part of me feels I should be able to eloquently state exactly why these matters are of import to me, but that is not happening.

I am unable to convey my feelings wisely because I've become emotionally upset.

I'm irritable.

I don't have PMS, though... I quit smoking, and I keep ramping back the nicotine. Detoxing from nicotine makes me feel a lot like PMS used to feel when I had it, before Depo Provera, a birth control shot that ends my "medically unnecessary" periods in my case, ended that whole PMS dilemma. Men and women are both affected by our hormonal composition, although most of the jokes are about women and estrogen and how it makes us moody, weepy, and easily offended.

If I'd quit smoking a long time ago, I would have been able to tell guys a long time ago, "PMS? Yes, that makes you feel like someone who just quit smoking."

I'm an infertile woman so the idea of my gender role being determined largely in connection with procreation is also irritating. If Rush Limbaugh thinks using birth control makes a woman a slut, does that mean that infertile women shouldn't have sex, in his mind? I find that hard to believe since he's had 4 wives and has no children. I'm guessing that means he's been having sex with no procreation goal.

So it's International Women's Day, and I'm blue, not pink.

Every once in a while, I feel proud of myself over small things: I was able to remove the old battery from my car and put a new one in, with my mom. My brother helped me figure out I needed new terminators for the battery posts and the old ones were thrashed, so Greg helped me start the car and we went to O'Reilly Auto Parts, and every time I went to work on the car alone, some guy said, "Where's your husband?" -

Seriously. No, not making that part up.

My mom said those guys were like cavemen, they were probably just trying to pick me up, and I should shine them on. The whole struggling with auto repairs, while working, while helping my mom (she's been sick), while finishing the editing on the book, yea, it leaves me cranky.

That and the not smoking.

I meant to tell you something meaningful, but today it's beyond me.

I have no idea why I'm blogging. But please refer to the image above of me screaming with a plastic bat.

I'm feeling grumpy, but I'm going to put down some bullet points of things that I am proud of as a woman today on International Women's Day:

• When I first became a certified computer repair technician as a young lady back in 1989, there were almost no women in the field, there still aren't tons, but then there were even fewer. And certainly few women of color. People of color, or women of color. So, I guess, I'm a person who broke down some barriers then.
  
• There are not very many women of color who write horror, so I might be breaking down barriers, if I have the strength of will to actually get these books publicized - I know, it's kind of a downer, the way I put that. Also, it's probably grammatically lacking. The books are good, but whether they are good or not doesn't matter if I can't make sure they get out into places where people can read them.

Okay... so I did manage to get through first level editing on Solitude, and yes, it is now being sent out for broader distribution - that means you should be able to find it in a larger number of places in about two months, and at that time (because the wheels are already set into motion) buy it over seas and all kinds of fun stuff. These things need to be done... it can't all be fun things, like writing hopefully funny and entertaining things.

Not smoking makes Sumiko a dull girl. I'm going to watch the Mentalist now.